Friendship is a word that defines relationships. Its constituents are understanding, trust and accepting the other as an individual. If a relation lacks this recipe and rejects the idea of friendship as its base, then it collapses. You live carefree in friendship, happy and autonomous. That’s because you are not yet chained. If you enter a relation and still be carefree and happy that means you have excelled the phenomena of friendship as a tool for a healthy relationship.
This friendship model has the third constituent as its supreme goal. Giving the other person the space and be aware of his ‘otherness’. This is the major reason of failure in successful relationships.
In a child-parent relationship the parent often forgets that.
He believes what he does and had done and has been doing is always right for his son too. The very idea of his son being the ‘other’ individual doesn’t belong to him. This disbelief often turns the child against the parent. Not being able to understand him as a person though small but in flesh and blood.
The lack of space leads to suffocation in a relationship that drives the two individual away. This need for space increases the distance between the parent and the child.
Same happens in a man-women relationship. If a man repeatedly pokes a finger in every act of the women’s life, the two fall apart. No matter how you may love the other one but she is actually the ‘other’ one. She has her likes and dislikes, her beliefs and disbeliefs.
The space which we believe is an area where there exists no gravitational force. One floats there. The same feeling is derived when we understand the need and importance of this space. It leaves us ecstatic. A happy man can never be the reason of someone’s sorrow. Also a fertile soil nourishes every plant grown over it. The same happens with people who live this space in them. They are full of fertility, they never go barren. They breed happiness as naturally as vegetation.
Compare this to the feeling one might encounter in a bus loaded with people. You may repeatedly stand on your heels to breathe. This happens when people enter into your space calling it ‘ours’. There is no our space. Everyone needs their own. Try sowing two seeds closely with each other. After a few days you will see both dead. It’s because they shared what was supposed to be distinct for both. If one tries to overpower your space it leads to claustrophobia. This finally strangulates the relationship you are in. Be it a child-parent or man-women relation. You feel an encroachment upon your path, a hindrance to your growth.
This abstract idea is one of the major causes of breaking up relationship of all kind. Taking a person you love as an individual and not becoming his/her owner. Nobody owns anyone. God owns us all.
As Jean Jacques Rousseau says-
“Man is born free but everywhere he is in chains
These chains are hindrance to a growth be it of an animal or an individual. Relations should never live in cages and chains, the only result will be a rotten stink due to its death.